This is a story based on fact
by Mog-everything
Summary: It has very little plot but you will be laughing I bet. Fred and George are left to babysit HH&R. What couldn't go wrong? CHAP2 A disco at Hogwarts! CHAP3 is up. Fred has godlike powers? Chap 4: The chapter about EmO's, Ponchos and party games.
1. Fred and George babysit

**This is a story based on fact… :) Ok just kidding. I don't suggest you do anything Fred or George have done. I don't own Harry Potter.**

It was a Thursday when our story began. It was the first week of the school holidays between 5th and 6th year for Harry and his minions, a.k.a Hermione and Ron. Mrs Weasley was very pleased to have Harry and Hermione to stay at the Burrow and they planned to come round on that very Thursday. However at the last minute both her and her husband were called away for a meeting at Grimmuald Place and wouldn't be there for their guest's arrival.

"What shall we do Molly? We can't leave 4 teenagers here on their own, the house will be a wreck when we get back!" said Mr Weasley frantically, forgetting the fact that the house was already a wreck.

"Well we can't ask Percy for help! Bill and Charlie are doing work for the order too…that leaves the twins" Mrs Weasley replied. Mr Weasley gave his wife a look as if to say "We both know that's not going to happen". However, 30 minutes later they hadn't thought of anyone else to help, so they had to call up the twins.

"Sure we can be trusted" said Fred happily

"Especially with Harry and Hermione" George added grinning. There was no time to argue so the parents apperated off.

"Now" said George "Let's have us a little fun"

"Hi Ron!" called Hermione as she rushed into the living room. She had come by floo powder and was looking as annoying as ever, except now she was covered in charcoal. "I say, what are you doing?"

She had come into discover the twins carefully wrapping pieces of chocolate cake in baking paper, as if they were planning a picnic.

"Oh hello Hermione!" said Fred cheerfully

"Did you bake a cake?" she asked apprehensively

"Yes. Baked it especially for you and Harry" George said sniffing it and smiling

"Umm ok…" Hermione said "Where's Ron and Harry?"

"Ron is in his room" Fred said "Harry isn't here yet, I expect he'll be arriving soon"

"Ron, I'm here!" she yelled as she flung open his door. Ron was lying on his bed writing in what looked like a diary.

"Ron!"

"Hermione!" he said sounding scandalized

"I never knew you had a diary"

"It's not a diary it's a journal. And don't think I'm just writing about how much I love you either, cause I'm not. It's not like I worship you but you or anything, why would you even think that?"

"Ok whatever, I don't want you to think I return the feeling and that we're destined to be together by the end of book 7, because that's just not going to happen!" shouted Hermione. She turned around and stormed out of the room in search of Ginny.

SNAP!

Harry had apperated right in the middle of the living room.

"Hello Harry" said Fred gaily_ (I'm running out of words for happy)_

"How's life?" said George

Harry gave them both the evil eye. "How do you think life is? The only person in the world who has ever been like a father to me is dead, I'm living with my horrible family and I'm going to have to save the world in the next 2 years or so. Life's just great, how are you two?"

"Well I'm glad you're not feeling sorry for yourself then!" George said

"I mean some people have had their whole families die, others are starving to death. But Harry is having to deal with grief, issues at home and being a super hero! Life sure sucks for you kiddo"

"I know. Now if you don't mind I'll just go find a hole to crawl into, if it's not too much to ask"

"Ok that's fine with us, how ever just drink this first" and Fred produced a glass of what looked like water.

"What do you take me for, an idiot? I bet it's got something wrong with it"

"No, mum said it'll make you sleep better"

"And you expect me to believe that?" Harry spat

"Here, I'll drink some" George said taking a gulp. Harry looked carefully at him and made sure he swallowed.

"Fine, I'll drink it" Harry said taking the glass and drinking its contents. The twins tried to hide malicious grins. Harry walked over to the table and sat under it.

"Reminds me of my old cupboard you see" Harry called.

"So Fred, how long does that take to work again?" George asked his brother in a whisper

"Five to seven minutes" Fred answered "You're luckily that you've drunk so much of it. It will have made you sort of immune to the effects. Well, you'd have to have heaps more for it to work anyway."

"Great. I'm glad you're my brother Fred."

"GINNY" Hermione shouted "GINNY! I'M HAVING PROBLEMS! I NEED TO TALK TO YOU"

"Go away" Ginny said from her bed

"Hi Ginny! Oh my god, your brother is so frustrating"

"Hermione, I don't care. I've come to realise I'm as good as an unpaid therapist and it's got to stop"

"What are you on about Ginny?" Hermione asked bemused

"Our relationship is unhealthy. All you do is complain. I don't want to hear anymore. I have issues too Hermione, ever think of that?"

"What are you issues?"

"Well…I love somebody. It's a secret" Ginny whimpered

"Really? Who?" asked Hermione

"Goyle"

"Really? Gregory Goyle? Why?"

"Ok I was lying about that but you've never asked have you?"

"Suppose not." Hermione was feeling quite guilty now

Ginny didn't say anything.

"Well I'll go see the twins then shall I" Hermione said moving towards the door

"Oh yes that's right, run off when the going gets tough…" Ginny yelled. But Hermione was already gone.

Down in the kitchen things weren't a lot better.

"Do the can-can Harry" George was yelling at Harry, who was on the table, dancing.

"Harry?" Hermione asked

"Oh 'ello darling!" Harry said grabbing Hermione and pulling her up onto the table.

"What are you doing? What's wrong with him?"

"It's a mixture of muggle party drugs, fizzing wizzbies, red bull and hippogriff feathers. We slipped it into his drink" Fred answered

"Interesting effect isn't it?" George continued "It's outlawed in 17 countries including Britain."

"No, it's not interesting" Hermione screamed as she got down off the table. Harry did too. He began to walk on all fours and was singing "Hogwarts Hoggie Wartie Hogwarts", the school song.

"Oh have some cake" George said. "After all it's Easter"

"No it's not, it's August!" Hermione said

"Have some cake anyway" Fred persuaded. Hermione picked up a bit and gingerly nibbled the corner, then bit into it. It wasn't long before she had scoffed half the cake.

"It's very good! A bit gritty, but a good flavour"

"You don't want to be eating too much more of that love" Fred said removing the rest of the cake.

"Hey, Fred, man do you notice how you're like so…Fredish?" Hermione asked Fred, her elbow slipping off the bench.

"Yeah I have noticed that actually"

"Hey, George, do you love me?" Harry was asking George"

"Sure Harry, I love you"

"Well then get me…a chipmunk" Harry said randomly. George shrugged

"Accio Chipmunk" and through the doors flew a chipmunk.

"Hahaha, Hey George, get me…Draco Malfoy!"

"Accio Malfoy!" shouted George. A minute passed then Draco flew in through the doors too.

"Potter? Weasl? Where am I?"

"Draco!" cried Hermione

"Mudblood" Draco said back

"I love you Draco, I love YOU!"

"Oh for fucks sake, what's she on?" he asked the twins.

"Err…"said Fred.

"Forget this, where's the toilet I really have to piss" Draco said and set off up the stairs. He was gone a while before he stumbled upon Ronald in his room.

"Hey Weasley, you're missing the party. What are you doing up here all alone?"

"Sod off Malfoy"

"Ok, but can I piss in your fish tank? I can't find the bathroom."

"Oh don't be stupid, it's the second door to the right"

"Right then, I suppose I'll be seeing you at school"

"See you" said Ron lamely

After a quick trip to the bathroom Draco stumbled upon Ginny

"Weaslet, how are things going for you then?"

"Fine Ferret-boy, just fine"

"Ah"

"Yeah" There was an awkward silence.

"You know, I really like you Ginny. I was only pretending to hate you because I liked to so much." Draco admitted blushing.

"Is that true?" said Ginny

"Yes, I think I love you Ginny"

"Oh. Well that's nice, but I wasn't kidding when I said I hate you. I do, you annoy me."

"Ok then. I'm going back downstairs"

"Drink, dink, drink, drink "a crowd of people were yelling. The group had grown in number and now included Neville Longbottom (who was looking terrified), Dobby, Gildory Lockheart, a goat and most of the 5th years and above from Hogwarts.

"Christ" said Draco "How can there be so many girls, and not one interested in me?" he asked. But then he saw Lavender Brown in a corner and went over to hit on her.

Harry had magically attached antlers to his head and Hermione was taking turns to hook up with Seamus and Dean. It was a scene of chaos all right. Dobby was clutching Fred's ankles.

At that moment there was a loud bang. Mr and Mr Weasley had come home early.

"FRED! GEORGE! WHAT"S GOING ON?" she yelled. People ran out of the house as fast as they could. Some dissapearated. Others were banished using magic by Fred and George.

"Mum…we didn't expect you home so early…"

"Now, this isn't what it looks like either…"

"WHY IS HARRY IN MY PINNAFORE? WHY IS HERMIONE SLEEPING ON THE TABLE? WHY IS GILDORY LOCKHEART…Gildory Lockheart? Why you brought him here as a surprise for me? How sweet of you boys!" she went over to talk to Lockheart while Mr Weasley gave the twins a "You wont be this lucky next time" kind of look.

Several days later when everyone's hangovers had subsided and the antlers had been removed from Harry's forehead, George gave Fred a knowing wink.

"Great party bro. We should do again sometime"


	2. A disco Fred and George styles

**Thanks for all the reviews! I think there will possibly one more story in the sequence after this, if you like this one it that is. Yeah sorry it probably should have been a PG13 I will change it so this one is. Oh and the rapping is stolen from the awesome Scribe (apart from the retarded bit at the end in italics, that was just me being stupid). NZ HIPHOP REPRESENT! **

The rain was falling in torrents one very boring Tuesday morning. The mornings classes had begun with History of Magic and moved onto potions so Harry and his class chums were feeling understandably bored.

"I wish something exciting would happen" said Harry as Prof. Snape deducted 20 points from Gryffindor because he had tripped over Draco's cauldron (Snapes logic was different to most peoples). This was another example of Harry's stupidity. He had completely forgotten that the potion they were working on was the "Be careful what you wish for because it'll probably turn our badly" potion. This potion meant that if you drunk it your wishes would come true. The stupid part is that Harry thought it looked quite delicious and had drunken some before he said that.

The lesson proceeded without so much as a sneeze and it seemed as though the potion wasn't working at all well. That was until there was a small pop and Fred fell out of mid air clutching an empty packet of chips.

"Oh Fred the potion must have worked!" cried Harry

"Umm, sure why not?" Fred replied tossing aside the chip packet "I think that packet of crisps was a portkey" he said. There was another small pop and George appeared holding a JoJo CD.

"Hey bro. I think some of that garbage we were rifling though must have been old portkeys."

"Look's like it" Fred agreed "And now we're back at Hogwarts!"

In case you're wondering Snape had been too stunned by their appearance to do anything. He got over pretty quickly though.

"Weasley! What do you mean by this? Interrupting my class? Explain yourselves!" he shouted

"Well as I was saying "began George "We were rifling through some garbage and next thing I know I'm here!"

"I guess it must have been a portkey" Fred said trying and failing to sound innocent

"PORTKEYS DO NOT WORK IN THE HOGWARTS GROUNDS!" Hermione exploded from her seat "NEITHER DOES APPERATION! WHY WILL NOBODY READ HOGWARTS A HISTORY?"

"SHUT UP MISS GRANGER!" Snape shouted back "Although she does have a point". The class was watching the exchange entranced. Then Fred began to whisper to George and this was their conversation:

"Christ George! What a good chance this is! We're back and Hogwarts and there is no way we can be expelled, what do you plan on doing?"

"What about another party? Like the one we had last summer?"

"Nah, we've done it before haven't we? I want something different…" Fred said

"How about a disco? It's similar yet original" George offered

"Great and we could host it in the great hall"

"Only how will we get all the music and disco balls?"

"I'm sure we'll manage" Fred said with a smile

Snape was looking ready to kill as Fred and George keep ignoring his yells

"Please Severus, you needn't yell" Fred said

"Honesty, you look ready to burst a blood vessel! Here squeeze this" George added, handing a stress ball to Prof. Snape

"If either of you two want to see daylight ever again you had better explain yourselves right now!" Snape said. He was no longer yelling. He was deathly silent. Harry was hiding under his desk (_Gosh, this reminds me of my old cupboard too!_ He thought)

"Oh for Gods sake Sevvy, if you want to intimidate us you'll have to do something better then that." George said

"Now" continued Fred "How about we get some helpers? I'll have Harry, Ron and Hermione"

"Ok, I'll take Neville, Malfoy and that troll boy" said George pointing at Crabbe.

"I'll be in charge of food and decorations if you guys can send out invitation and get us some decent music" Fred said

"Righto then! Come on guys, off we go"

"MR WEASLEY! NONE OF YOU ARE GOING ANYWHERE"

"Oh shut up" said George pulling his wand from his pocket. Snape did the same.

"Do you really think you could win against me Mr Weasley?" he said in a whisper, a crazy smile on his face

"No you're right I probably couldn't" said George. At the same time as he said it Fred chucked an extremely large caldron at Snapes head. He was knocked out cold.

"Well that deals with that…I suppose the rest of you should come too then, you won't be doing much around here"

So the twins lead away the class and split them into two groups. Fred's group went down to the kitchens while Georges went off to the library.

* * *

"So" said Harry to Fred "How have you been?"

"Harry, are you trying to seduce me?"

"Umm no" answered Harry

"There's no need to hide it Harry" Ron said from beside him

"Seriously, I swear I wasn't trying to seduce Fred"

"Really Harry, it's ok we're your friends and we'll stand by your decisions." Hermione agreed

"Oh for fucks sake…" muttered Harry and he wondered off to find Dobby who was frantically cleaning a breadstick

"Hello Dobby" Harry said wearily

"Hello Master Harry! I haven't been seeing you in many a long time!" said Dobby laying aside the breadstick and cloth

"It's only the first term" Harry pointed out

"Yes and Missus Winky is feeling worse then ever!" said Dobby with a grimace

"Hey yeah, where exactly is Winky?" Harry asked expecting so see a crying ball of house-elf somewhere near by. Dobby held up the breadstick.

"This is being Winky" he said sadly

"What? She's a breadstick?" Dobby nodded gravely. But then Winky appeared from under a large upturned pot

"Dobby you must stop telling these lies about me!" she yelled as she snapped the breadstick in half

"But Winky, you isn't understanding! It is more respectable to be a breadstick then to be seen in your present state"

Winky let out a cry and ran back under her pot. Harry left Dobby trying to spell-o-tape the breadstick back together.

* * *

"Ok I want everyone to carry as much as they can. Alcoholic products are our first priority, then chips and all that other kind of stuff" Fred called out to the class. Lavender and Parvati were loading Goyle with bottles of Butterbeer and Firewhiskey. Hermione picked up a keg of beer that was a bit too heavy for her. She stumbled and fell right onto…

"RON!" shrieked Hermione

"HERMIONE" he shrieked back

"Don't think that this is fates way of pulling us together Ron, it's just me being clumsy"

"I know, don't worry. "Ron said picking himself up "Besides I seriously doubt that I will end up dancing with you at the disco tonight. I mean it's way more likely there will be some comic misunderstanding and we'll have a fight before we accept the fact we are destined to be together."

"FINE" yelled Hermione

"SUPER FINE" Ron shouted back

"JUST GREAT"

"MARVELLOUS" Ron and Hermione stormed off in separate directions.

* * *

"Hi Harry" and unlikely voice whispered into Harry's ear

"Oh hello Malfoy, what do you want?"

"I heard about your unsuccessful attempt on Fred before…"

"Huh? Oh that was nothing, just…" but before Harry could finish Draco cut him off

"Good Harry, good. I never told you this but I think I love you. All those other girls were just distractions! And surely you've noticed the sexual tension between us?"

"Can't say I have sorry" Harry said a bit shocked but trying not to hurt Draco's feelings

"But…are you joking? We're made for each other!"

"Hey, you aren't even in this group, you're meant to be with George!"

"Christ…this always happens" said Draco sourly "I think I just misread the signs you know…" he trailed off and went up the stairs to find his group.

* * *

Fred's group (who Fred had decided to name "Team Fred") had moved onto decorating the hall. Upstairs with Georges team, they where discussing the best ways to inform the rest of the school about the disco.

"I think we should just rush into the classes and tell them" said Pansy "ugly mutt girl" Parkinson.

"Don't you think the teachers would mind?" George asked, highly regretting the fact he had Pansy in his group.

"Not if we invited them too"

"I'm not inviting the teachers" George said

"Who put you in charge anyway?" Pansy asked

"Oh shut up Pansy, you're only saying that because you fancy Prof. Flitwik" Seamus said annoyed

"I do not" Pansy said, her face burning red in embarrassment that her secret was out.

"I though you were Draco's girlfriend or something like that" Dean asked

"He broke up with me a few days ago. He seemed to think he had a better opportunity coming up…" Pansy said sadly

"Where is Malfoy anyway?" George asked

"I'm here" said Draco from the door. He was looking quite forlorn. "I just went downstairs to see the other group…"

"Ah, checking out our competition. Good work Malfoy"

"Yeah that's it…"

"Anyway, we still need to figure out how to get our messages to the student body"

"Well we don't really need to do we? I mean everyone will go down there for dinner and the disco will just be there instead…" said Draco

"That's very true" said George after a pause "Ok then, we need music."

This proved more difficult then you'd expect because wizards didn't have CD's so the music would have to be live.

"I could sing" Pansy said

"No but then we'd have to pay for all the broken windows and I'm not that rich" George said

"Colin Creevy and some other 5th years have started a band. They're called The Dungbombs" Neville said shyly

"But they're rubbish" Seamus complained

"Well so far they're the best option we've got so I guess you had better go get Colin" George said

* * *

The Great Hall was slowly getting transformed into a disco. They had found a disco ball in Snapes private store cupboard (the real reason he didn't want students to go into it was because it had all his 70's memorabilia) and there was enough alcohol and Butterbeer to sink a ship.

"Where should we set up?" Colin asked Fred

"Set up what?"

"Our stuff…haven't you heard, we're the music!"

After a couple of practice songs it became rather obvious that Seamus was telling the truth; they were rubbish. All they could do was out of tune cover songs of muggle bands and the Weird Sisters. Harry, who had been in the store cupboard trying on afro wigs, came into the hall and immediately noticed how shit they were.

Harry also had a hidden talent

"Oh move over Colin" he said pulling the microphone towards himself

"Yo! How many dudes you know roll like this, how many dudes you know flow like this? Not many, if any, not many if any. How many dudes ya know got the skills to go ROCK a show like this? Uh huh uh huh I don't know anybody"

"Gosh Harry, where'd you learn to do that?" said Fred taken aback

"I practiced in my cupboard" Harry said. "Accio turntable!" A turn table flew through the doors of the Great Hall. "I also DJ"

"Great, that sorts that then! This disco is ready to roll! And just in time too because classes end in 10 minutes"

* * *

"What the…."

"Fred? George? What's going on?" Ginny Weasley asked. She was one of the first people to reach the hall.

"It's a disco Ginny. Do you like it?"

"Yeah sure it's cool…but…" Ginny couldn't think of anything else to say so she went and danced with Dean.

More and more people began to file into the Hall. A few looked a bit surprised but as soon as a few people were dancing, the rest began to join in. Draco was swigging down Firewhiskey like it was Butterbeer, trying to drown his sorrows. George began to pour something into the punch.

"I say!" said Prof. McGonagall as she walked into the hall "What is all this about?"

"Come on Minerva! Lets dance!" said Prof. Dumbledore.

This is an example of Harry's rap:

_I'm the boy with the lightening bolt scar_

_So many people wanna get me a drink at the bar_

_But I say nah bro!_

_Who made Voldemort go?_

_I lived in a cupboard for most of my life_

_Where depression and boredom were very rife_

_My cousin is a fatty_

_And my best friends act catty_

_But that's cool just don't call me a try hard_

_If you do I might have to have you barred_

_From this very disco club_

_Yeah YA!_

I personally think he could use some improvement

The disco continued on for several hours. Harry then put on a slow track.

"Oh hello Hermione"

"Hi Ron. I didn't see you there…"

"Err…" Ron stuttered

"Yes?"

"Do you want to…" Ron paused and looked severely embarrassed "Get a hair cut?" he said randomly

"Are you saying you don't like my hair?" Hermione asked offended

"No! I just meant…"

"Your hair isn't so great either carrot top!"

"What did you call me?"

"You heard!" They both stormed off in different directions again.

Draco was very drunk by 12 o'clock and tried to dance with Moaning Myrtle, but fell through her. Ginny had danced with 8 different boys and Lavender was calling her names behind her back, mostly because she was jealous.

"Who does she think she is? She's just a little skank, that's all" she complained to Blaise

"A hot skank though" he said

By 2 am everyone who could walk was told to go back to their common rooms. Most got to the stairs a collapsed.

"Splendid disco" said Dumbledore on the way out.

"Yes," agreed Fred "Probably the best yet"


	3. Hey, that hurt

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed the previous chapters. Sorry I've taken so long to update. Anyway, this is the last part of the story, so please review if you like it (or even if youdidn't it, it's all good). For more randomtales like this one read my other stories. **

It was raining heavily down Diagon Alley. Two slightly obnoxious, but very entertaining gingas (redheads) were sitting at the window of a shop look out sadly.

"Fred, we haven't had a costumer all day. This is so boring" one of the boys called George said

"Yes George I know, but what do you expect me to do about it, I'm not god you know" his twin brother Fred said.

"I'd be funny if you were though." George said

"Yeah it would be aye. I wonder if there is a spell for that"

"A spell to turn you into God? That'll be the day!"

"But suppose there was one and everyone just assumed there wasn't one, so nobody ever used it before" Fred said happily

"Well let's stop talking about it and just do it!" said George who was tried of being cooped up.

So they stopped talking about it and just did it. First they went down to Flourish and Blotts and began looking through all the books trying to find one with a suitable spell. But then the bossy sales assistant was all like "This isn't a library you know, are you planning to purchase these books, or just get chocolate stains on the pages?", so they went to the Wizard Library instead. With-in half an hour they had found a suitable potion.

"This potion isn't even very complex" Fred commented

"Yes, it's dead easy! All you need it a cup of Lace Wigs, a dried apple core and a pint of Colin Creeveys' blood!"

"Where does it say you need a pint of Colin Creeveys' blood?"

"Ok I made that bit up, just testing you" George laughed

"Uh huh" said Fred uncomfortably

"Ok we can pick up the rest of the ingredients on the way home, let's go!"

The potion only took two shakes of a lambs' tail to whip up, so within the hour Fred was ready to drink it.

"Are there any precautions on the recipe page?" Fred asked just to be on the safe side.

"Yes, it says 'What ever you do with your new god like powers, it's all bound to go wrong and you'll learn a very important moral lesson. Side effects include vomiting and diarrhea. Potion wears off after a day '. Well that isn't too bad" George said "And think of all the positives! You could change the laws of gravity for a couple of hours and we could all float round the place."

"Ok then!" said Fred and he sculled the potion. "Mmm tastes like chicken!"

For a moment nothing happened then there was a small pop and an explosion of light that seemed to come from Fred himself. It took a few seconds for George's eyes to adjust to the light but when they did he saw a whole new Fred. Actually he was the same except his teeth were several shades whiter.

"Well you look the same to be honest" George muttered disappointedly "See if you can do something god-like"

"Such as what?" Fred asked

"I don't know use your imagination. Stop it raining and make it sunny"

"Ok" Fred said and screwed up his eyes in concentration. Outside the rain stopped and the grey clouds began to roll back revealing a blue sky.

"Wow! That's pretty nifty!"

The two boys went out onto the street and began looking for something to mess with.

"If you'd asked me a few years ago what I would do with these powers, I'd probably say I'd magic up a whole heap of galleons" Fred said "But we don't really need money any more, with the shop and all"

"True. But I know someone who does!" Georges eyes where alight with mischief. They were now just outside Gringotts Wizard Bank. "How about we put all the money from Malfoy's vault into mum and dad's!"

Fred smiled and began to concentrate again. He soon looked up, smiling.

"It's done!"

"Haha! That'll give Malfoy a nice little surprise!"

"Maybe mum and dad will be able to afford a houself now" George said

"Ok what shall we do now?" Fred asked. They went back to their shop discussing the best options.

"Let's dye the sky purple!"

"No, let's stew Snape in his own potions!"

Just then Lee Jordan came strolling down the street, his dreadlocks swaying in the breeze.

"Hello chaps, I was just coming to visit you" They filled him in on the last few hours.

"Do you have any ideas for us to do?"

"Why don't you turn all the three leafed clovers into four leafed ones?" Lee said. Fred and George exchanged looks.

"Is that the best you can come up with?"

"I think it's a lovely idea"

"Got any others?"

"Umm… you know, over the years you guys have had some killer parties." Fred and George smiled proudly "What if you like, had the party to end all parties, using your magic to mess with everything! And at the end of the night you can have pretty pretty fireworks!"

"That's actually a good idea. Apart from the fireworks, why are you acting so camp all of a sudden Lee?" Fred said

"I've spent the last two weeks in the company of Remus Lupin and Legolas Greenleaf"

"Well as interesting as that sounds it's quite another story, so let's just focus on this for now"

"Okay" Lee agreed

"George you can send out the invitations to a select group of cool people (everyone we know in other words) and I'll set up the venue." Fred said

George began to write the invitations, leaving a space for the venue. Fred was apparating off here and there and Lee was sticking glitter and feathers onto some of the finished invitations.

"I have a venue." Fred announced

"Where?" Lee and George asked together

"Let me show you" he grabbed their hands and apparated off. When they next looked down it took George a few seconds to realise they were floating in the air.

"Ahh!" said Lee dramatically falling to his knees

"Relax I've used my new godlike powers to make an invisible platform in the sky!"

"Neat!" said Lee

"Wow the floor is see-through! I always wanted see-through floor!" George said "But where should I write on the invitations? The sky? Some people won't know where to come"

"Look around little brother" Fred said smugly. George looked around for a second. He could see rows and rows of seats below him, and some rather large hoops at either end of the platform.

"We're on the Quidditch Pitch!"

"Damn straight! Tell people to come to the Pitch and I'll magic them up here."

"Great. Now take us back to the shop so we can send out the invitations."

* * *

Back at the shop George had made a list of people who were invited. There were about 500 but several of them probably wouldn't turn up, such as Sirius Black (who was dead) and the Giant Squid who had trouble breathing out of water. They also decided to invite Draco and Goyle, but not Crabbe.

"Ok now let's go back and wait for the guests to arrive" George said once he had sent off the last invitation.

* * *

Lee, George and Fred waited anxiously for their guests to arrive. Lee pulled out a cell phone and began to text someone.

"It's a muggle thing" he said in response to the Twins bemused looks "It tells people I have technology and friends"

"Uh huh" said Fred

Just then there was a knock at the invisible door and George rushed to open it. It was Draco Malfoy.

"Hello Draco" they said cheerfully

"Am I the first one?"

"Yes, so…how are things on the side of evil?" Lee asked

"Ahh well…" Draco began, but there was another knock at the door

"Hold that thought" Fred said as he opened the door to Harry Potter

"Draco!" said Harry angrily

"Potter!" said Draco shocked

"Oh yeah, I mean Malfoy!"

"Now you two aren't going to fight are you?" Fred asked the enemies

"What are you going to do to stop us?" Draco asked rudely

"Nothing, but you both have to have your hands tied behind your backs if you do, it's only fair. That way it's entertaining for us to"

"That sounds kind of kinky" said Harry "So sure, I'm up for that". Lee pulled a cord from his bag and tied Harry's arms together, then did the same to Draco.

"I'm going to get you Potter!" said Draco trying to head but Harry

"Not if I get you first!" Harry said as he bit Draco's ear. Draco squealed. The doorbell rang again

"That's a shame it was just getting interesting" Lee said. He opened the door and in poured Hermione, Ron, Ginny and a small boy with brownish hair.

"Wow the floors see-through!" said Hermione

"Wicked" said Ron. Hermione rolled her eyes.

"Who's this?" Lee asked, gesturing at the little boy.

"I'm the Half -Blood Prince" he said "But you can call me Ernest"

"Oh ok." Lee said happily "Hey are you two going out yet?" he asked Ron and Hermione

"Duh, we're still in angsty teenage love for each other" Ron replied

"But I see it really going places" Hermione added.

"Not if I can stop it" Ginny said in a malevolent whisper

* * *

The next guests to arrive were Hagrid and Prof. Dumbledore.

"Hello Hagrid"

"Arrr 'elllo 'orge ahhha ock" Hagrid said. George just smiled at the mumbo jumbo.

"And hello to you too Prof. Dumbledore"

"Hello young Master Weasley. I trust I find you in good health?" Dumbledore said, his eyes twinkling.

"Yes I'm good. " George said no more. He was contemplating just how Dumbledore got his eyes to twinkle on command like that. Dumbledore and Hagrid went to watch Draco and Harry battle it out. Harry's glasses had been broken so he was stumbling around blind.

"Please somebody help me! I need those glasses to live!" he moaned.

"Stop complaining Harry, all you ever do it moan. It's why no-one likes you" said Ginny

"Harsh but true" agreed Hermione

* * *

In the next hour everyone else arrived. People were chatting happily and dancing on the dance floor. Draco had won the fight and Harry was lying curled up in a ball on the floor, blood covering most of him. They had been forced to put a silencing charm on him because he kept crying out in pain.

"Fred, it's time" George told his brother

"I was just thinking that" Fred agreed. Both the twins and Lee Jordan snuck over to the large bowls of punch. Under normal circumstances they would only have put in alcohol or some other drug, but this was the party to end all parties. Lee poured a strong love potion into his. George put in a flask of mild truth potion and Fred tipped in a potion he had invented using his god like powers. The effects included laughing far too much in all the wrong places, getting very easily confused, wanting to fight, and needing to pee.

* * *

After a while Hermione and Ron felt sorry for Harry lying on his own like that so they brought him a drink to cheer him up. Hermione and Ron had one too.

"You all right down there Harry?" Ron asked

"Sniff Sniff" said Harry

"Oh cheer up life's not all bad" Hermione said taking a swig of her drink

"I guess not but things have been really hard on me, especially since Sirius died…"

"Hahaha" Ron giggled

"Ron did you just laugh?" Hermione looked rather mortified

"No! I didn't I promise you"

Harry took a large gulp of his drink and whipped the blood of his face.

"Honestly Harry you're such a scruff-a-muffin" Hermione said.

"That's not a word" Ron said indignantly

"Yes it is! Besides, Hermione would know. She's so smart, and pretty." Harry smiled up at Hermione.

"What?" Ron looked from Harry to Hermione. His mind seemed to be working in overdrive. "Harry, do you like Hermione?"

"Maybe…ok I simply cannot hide my affections any longer! I love Hermione Granger!"

"You…What did you say?" Ron stammered

"I love Hermione"

Ron's eyes flared with anger "Come here, I'm gonna batter you!"

"Bring it _on_!" Harry said in an American accent

"I will" a look of horror passed over Ron's face "But I really have to go to the toilet first"

* * *

Across the invisible platform in the sky Pansy Parkinson was chatting to Dobby the House Elf. He was holding onto a very moldy breadstick, trying to convince her it was Winky.

"Harry Potter will not believe Dobby Miss, but this is because Harry Potter is not been brought up as a proper wizard. Surely you will believe Dobby" he said in a high pitched squeak.

Pansy took a gulp of her drink and answered "No Dobby it's a breadstick. Admit it or die!" and out of no where she produced a Samurai sword and started waving it about.

"Ah ah the end has come for Dobby!" Dobby moaned, trying to escape Pansy. Angelina Johnson and Katie Bell happened to be standing near by.

"Oh good I always wanted an excuse to hurt her" Angelina said. The conjured a box around her so she couldn't reach Dobby. Pansy then tried to cut through the bars with her Samurai sword, but it didn't work so she sat down and began to cry.

"I just have all this pent up anger inside of me" she cried "And I know I'm ugly and nobody likes me, which makes it so much worse…" Angelina and Katie looked guiltily at each other.

"It's ok Pansy, heaps of people like you" Katie lied

"You're not really ugly at all" agreed Angelina and she tried to hug Pansy through the bars of her cage. But this was the moment Pansy had been waiting for. She dived on Angelina and tried to pull out her hair.

"Ow ow" Angelina yelled. Katie stupefied Pansy so she let go.

"That cow!" Angelina said

"I know. Hey, here's an idea, lets use her for a pinyata!" Katie said. Angelina agreed this was a splendid idea so they strung Pansy up and took turns to hit her with Dobby's breadstick.

* * *

The dance floor was packed as everyone danced the night away. From the other side of the floor a mysterious stranger, (a really hot one too) was staring at George. After a few minutes of eye contact he came over.

"Excuse me, but do you wanna battle?" he asked

"Huh?" thought George.

"A dance battle?" the mysterious stranger added

"Oh alright then" George said. The crowd parted and made a circle around the two battlers.

The stranger began by doing a backspin followed by a walk over. George looked towards his brother (Fred, not Ron) who winked at him. Using Fred's god like powers George was propelled into a head spin and some other very tricky break dance moves I don't know the names of. The stranger came back in and was going hard, but everything he did, George did better.

"You keeping up there bro?" George asked trying to sound gangster, or as gangster as a pale face red head can sound. The stranger looked defeated and fell to his knees.

"Ok you win" he admitted. The crowd booed and cheered.

"Now, as the winner of that little battle I demand to know your name!" George said

"My name…my name is Vincent Crabbe!" this shock announcement was greeted with utter silence. Even the music stopped.

"But how could you be Crabbe? You're ruggedly handsome and Crabbe's kind of ugly to be honest" George said

"Well when you held the party of the centaury and didn't invite me, I figured something was wrong. So I went to the doctors who told me I needed to see a muggle optometrist who told me I was blind! But the he fixed my vision and for the first time in my life I could see properly. And I looked in a mirror only to discover I was hideous! So then I went to the plastic surgeons and now I'm gorgeous"

_And all this within a couple of hours_ George though.

"That's nice" said George

"Do you want to go out?" asked Lavender Brown

"No. There's only one person for me and Prof. McGonagal said that's never going to happen."

"Eww she's grotty and old. I expect she'll have died in a few weeks" said Lavender

"Perhaps that's true but at least she was always kind to me" Crabbe said. Everyone slowly backed away from him.

* * *

"I feel really scratchy" said Seamus Finnegan

"No you feel really itchy" corrected Hermione in an annoying manner.

"I feel like cake" said Dean

"Well you don't look like one" said Seamus

"Hey everybody it's almost time for the fire works!" Lee Jordan shouted across the invisible platform in the sky. Everyone crowded around waiting for the explosion of colour to begin.

"Come on Fred" Lee whispered "Everyone is waiting"

"I thought we weren't having fireworks" Fred answered

"Yes we are; magical wonderful fireworks!" Lee said. Fred rolled his eyes.

"Fine but only because I feel sorry for you" with that Fred turned around looked at the sky. Out of no where came a blaze of red and yellow, twisting and turning until it began to resemble Hogwarts castle. It disappeared in a puff of smoke and was replaced by green and blue comets, going in different directions. The fireworks got more and more spectacular each time.

"I've got an idea" Fred said under his breath. The next image to appear in the sky was a boy on a broom stick instead of disappearing into smoke, the rider turned round and pointed his broom at the watching audience. There were gasps as he skimmed over the crowd, knocking off Prof. Dumbledore's hat. He turned around, presumably to do the same thing. Just when he was a few metres away from the crowd, Lee realised what was happening.

"Stop it Fred, just stop it, you're ruining the fireworks."

"No why should I? This is very entertaining." But Lee couldn't contain his anger anymore and he dived on Fred, completely body slamming him. Fred was out cold. Unfortunately this also meant there was no one to stop the broomstick from crashing right into the platform. Which it did. There was a crack, similar to a crack in an ice lake that began to appear in the platform. Everyone was running around like headless chickens.

Suddenly the platform gave way and all 500 people, almost the entire cast of the Harry Potter series, plunged to their deaths.

Or so it would have been if the Giant Squid had not taken up the twins invitation and turned up to the Quidditch Pitch. He had no way of reaching the platform so he had stayed down on the ground, feeling rather lonely. It was quite a surprise for him to find 500 people falling on top of him. The Giant Squid is very bouncy so he cushioned everyone's fall, apart from Harry who missed him by a few feet and landed in a pile of Dragon dung (don't ask me why there was a pile of Dragon dung of the field. Perhaps it's a good fertiliser.). But he too was saved. Everyone was happy they had lived, and the Giant Squid was happy to finally have someone to talk to. Eventually everyone went to sleep on the Squid, as he is the most comfy bed in the world.

"Have your powers worn off yet Fred?" George asked

"Almost" he said "That was really a good party wasn't it"

"Yeah, it'll be remembered for years to come. "

Fred smiled "Well, good night bro"

The moral of the story: We should all be nicer to Giant Squids 'cause you never know when one will save your life.

The End


	4. Super Cool Death Eater chapter

**I know I said in the previous chapter that I wouldn't write anymore Fred and George stories but I couldn't resist! The talking in the third person thingy is for my mate emma. There are many references to the emo song in here too. No offence to the Emos! Review if you feel like it and you know you do. **

Once upon a time two boys who were identical twins e.g. Fred and George Weasley were walking home through a dark alleyway one night. Don't ask me why, but they were this is certain.

"Gosh Fred, I was just thinking that nothing exciting has happened in ages!" George said to his twin.

"No, not since Dumbledore kicked the bucket"

"May the Pagan gods rest his soul"

"Yes, well I think that the world is trying to lull us into a false sense of security and any moment something awesomely exciting and unexpected will happen"

"I suppose it's possible…" said George mildly as they walked

A few seconds later Draco Malfoy stepped out from behind a dustbin, followed closely by Kreacher.

"That was quick!" said George

"Shut it Weasley! Either come with me right now or I'll blow up these buildings" he gestured to a few muggle apartments surrounding them.

"Geez Draco, last time we talked I was Freddie and George was Georgie-boy. There's no need to start with formalities again Draco."

"Do not insult the Master of the most Ancient House of Black! Through his veins flows 172 centuries worth of cousin marriage! Some would call it incest, but I worship him, even his dandruff." Said Kreacher and began to lick the dandruff off Draco's shoulders. Draco seemed to be enjoying it but then remembered himself and shoved Kreacher away.

"I thought you needed permission from Harry before you could do anything" Fred said to Kreacher

"And so I do! The Potter brat sent me to take secret pictures of Master Malfoy, but Master Malfoy realised and foiled the plan. Oh clever Master!" Krecher began to lick Draco's shoes.

"Secret pictures? That's a bit kinky, I thought Harry wasn't into you" George said scathingly. Draco paused dramatically

"So did I" he spoke with an American accent for some reason. "But now…" he trailed off then came back to his senses. "Anyhow, I've got to take you chaps back with me to He-Who-Must-Never-Ever-Be-Named-Or-Else-His-Name-Wouldn't-Take-So-Long-To-Write's hide out. So if you'd be kind enough to take a hold of this portkey. He pulled a pair of handcuffs from his robes.

"Draco, you're really getting quite a reputation for yourself aren't you?"

"Just grab the bloody handcuffs" Draco said angrily although he did not look displeased.

WIZZ BANG POP They landed in the middle of Voldemorts underground subterranean hideout lair. It was all grey and stones, very drab.

"Good job Draco" came a hissing evil voice from the shadows "I shall raise your allowance" It wasn't Voldemort it was just Lucius Malfoy doing his Dark Lord impression. "Bind them" he said. A few Death Eaters came out from the shadows to tie up Fred and George. Instead of tying them the 'normal' way e.g. with their hands behind their backs and their feet together, the Death Eaters tied them standing up to the wall, with each arm and leg pointing in a different direction like a star or that Leonardo DaVinci painting of that man. It wasn't so much uncomfortable as odd. George shot Fred a look that said quite clearly his fears.

"Now how many left?" Lucius asked his son

"Well, there's the other 2 Weasleys, the Mudblood, Neville 'Loser'bottom, Dobby and I think that's about it…oh and himself of course"

"What are you talking about?" Fred asked

"Do you really expect us, the servants of the Dark Lord to confine our plans to you who are both blood-traitors and our prisoners?" Lucius spat

"We're counting all the people left we have to capture if our planny plan plan is going to work!" Draco said completely killing the point of his fathers little rant.

"But why do you need people?"

"After Voldemort realised Harry knew about his Horcruxes he made a whole lot more and put them into people who Potter liked. I mean he couldn't do me obviously, even if Harry _does _like me, not saying he does, but it wouldn't have been practical. And if Harry wants to defeat the Dark Lord he must kill all those containing a Horcrux, including himself as there is a Horcrux implanted in Harry too!" Fred and George were both slightly surprised by this but it seemed the obvious thing to do if you were in Voldemorts shoes.

"And I suppose you're then going to lure him here tonight to finish us off!" George said in triumph.

"Very good Weasley" said a deeper voice from another patch of shadows. George barely had time to wonder how such a well lit room could contain so many patches of mysterious shadow before ex-Prof. Snape walked out.

"Snape!" Fred sounded horrified and angry

"Yes it is I" said Snape, black robes bellowing out from behind him, oblivious to the fact that there was no wind and he wasn't moving. _I really must ask him how he does that _thought Fred making a mental note.

"So Snape, you're in on all this too?" George asked trying to keep his cool. He was remembering their last encounter with Snape which had ended with them knocking him out with a caldron.

"Yes, or am I actually a good guy having killed Dumbledore on his orders, now trying to bring down the Dark side from with in? Or am I actually a bad guy having double-double crossed the Order of the Phoenix? Or am I actually a good guy double-double-double crossing to the power of 3 the Darks side?"

"Well which is it then?"

Snape looked confused for a moment and chose not to answer.

They had all been so busy chatting they didn't noticed Draco had gone again. Here's where he went:

Hermione Grangers house in a swanky London suburb. Hermione was out in her garden watering the poppies (at night too, wtf?) when Draco accosted her. Surprisingly over the past 8 days since Draco had last seen her Hermione had gotten a cool hair cut, a whole new Gothic wardrobe, several piercing, a 'hot' body and a liking for punk music. That's right, it's Goth!Hermione.

"Malfoy" she sounded pissed. Her make up shimmered prettily but gothicly in the moonlight.

"Granger…what's up with the new style?" Draco asked.

"I'm expressing myself. I don't always have to be a fugly book worm you know"

"Fugly? I wouldn't say fugly…you're not as bad as Pansy"

"Really? Thanks Draco" there was an uncomfortable pause and Draco was sure Hermione was checking him out.

"Anyhow you have to come back to my house- I mean lair- please take hold of the hand cuff, 1, 2, 3 BLAST OFF" and Hermione and Draco landed in a heap on the floor of the hideout. Fred, George and Draco had all managed to stay standing but not Draco and Hermione. On the way they had picked up Dobby and Neville who landed a few metres to their left.

"Oh Dobby isn't thinking he is very safe oh Dobby is scared ahhhh" Dobby proceeded to dash about in circles until he fell over and knocked himself unconscious.

"Well well well, 'Loser'bottom, long time no see." Said Draco menacingly to Neville.

"Schools not been out two weeks Draco, I saw you a few days before the end of term" Neville pointed out

"Maybe you did, maybe you didn't" said Draco desperate not to be paid out by Neville Longbottom

"No, I'm sure I did" Neville confirmed.

"Longbottm, what an unpleasant surprise" Snape said. Neville squealed and ran away to hide behind a large gold chair (probably Voldemorts when he was home). Snape sneered.

"Granger" he nodded to Hermione

"Professor" she nodded back. There was another one of those ghastly pauses and it was hard to tell who was checking out who the most.

It was broken by Fred whispering to his twin "Doesn't it seem a bit weird to you that we're the only ones tied up?"

"Yes it does slightly" George agreed. This was not strictly true however. Kreacher had tied a bit of rope to each of Dobby's ears and was sitting on his back directing him to go this way or that by tugging on the rope. If he refused he got a bash on the head with a cucumber Keacher had picked up somewhere. As he was still unconscious he was getting bashed quite a lot.

"It's quite a little party we've got going on here isn't it?" Lucius said when he re-entered the dungeon type lair. "I found this one hiding in the broom cupboard" He then threw Luna Loovegood down on the floor.

"I was researching a story for Father you see, about the Dark Lords unplanned pregnancy, and I wanted a bit of first hand evidence. Gosh Hermione you look different!" Luna's eyes strayed to Hermione's skanky black mini and heavy eye make up. Fred and George both silently prayed there wouldn't be another one of those pauses but, alas, there was. GRIMACE

"So that leaves Ginny and Ron to capture!" said Lucius with a cackle.

"Not so fast Malfoy!" said Ron emerging from behind a conveniently placed pillar with Ginny behind him.

"You are really stupid Ron" it was in fact George who said this not Lucius "I mean they want to KILL YOU. Do you think you can take on all the Death Eaters single handedly?"

"Err um" said Ron as though he hadn't considered his before. He stopped Hermione and looked shocked "Hermione! What have you done to yourself?" he said. Hermione looked embarrassed and suddenly her hair changed back to normal, her make up wore off, her piercings all popped out and she was wearing robes again. Hurrah, she was back to canon.

"What, I can't experiment without your permission Ronald?"

"Is that was what I said?" he asked angrily

"Well I don't know is it? We've got communication problems Ron, incase you haven't realised yet!"

"I want a divorce" said Ron

"We're not married" shouted Hermione. With this they stormed off to opposite ends of the hide out and Hermione began bitching to Bellatrix Lestrange about men. At this point it occurred to Draco that he had never bothered to try it on with either Hermione or Bellatrix and went off to be a man-skank, either forgetting or not caring that Bellatrix was his Aunty.

"I hope Harry turns up soon" said Fred "He'll be able to sort this lot out."

"Do you really? I don't he's such a wet blanket!" George complained. They both looked around as if they were expecting Harry to pop up through the drain pipes or something; these things tended to happen. The door to the chamber did swing open but it was only Narcissa Malfoy carrying at plate of fresh baked scones.

"Who's that?" Ron asked distractedly.

"That's my mum" Draco replied, turning away from Hermione and Bellatrix.

"Wow Draco, you're mums hot!" said Neville

"She's taken" Lucius spat "By me" he added, because everyone had looked between him, Narcissa and Severus.

"But I'm her geisha" said Snape proudly, producing a Japanese style fan from somewhere "It's a highly complex relationship"

Half and hour later and the only mildly entertaining thing to happen was Snape performing a short Japanese dance in a kimono. Fred turned to his brother, a familiar look on his face.

"George, I'm bored"

"As am I dear brother, as am I"

"We can't exactly have a party; we'd get killed for suggesting it"

"Yeah, I don't think You-Know-Who would be down with us trashing his crib. We could play truth-dare-promise"

"That's so childish and immature! It's utterly prefect! And if the bottle lands on you, you also have to take a shot of Fire whiskey before you answer"

A few minutes later everyone was assembled in a half circle around Fred and George. Draco drained a bottle of Butterbeer and they used that to spin. It landed on Luna.

"Dare" she said boldly

"I dare you to kiss Neville" said Prof. Snape which was kinda weird really. Luna refused on the grounds that Snape himself wouldn't do it, therefore she didn't have to. It is a commonly known by-law of T.D.P that if the darer won't do his own dare, he is out or killed or has to take an extra big gulp of Fire whiskey or something of that sort. To the amazement of many and the disgust of many more, Snape followed through, embracing Neville and kissing him. They eventually came apart, Neville looking like he wanted to die.

It was Luna's turn to spin and it landed on Ginny.

"Are you a natural red head?" Luna asked. Ginny rolled her eyes and looked bored.

"Yes, surprisingly considering how all the rest of my family are!"

"But maybe you're blonde and dyed yourself ginga to fit it with you family"

"Yup, that's the one" Ginny said humoring Luna. Ginny rolled the bottle and it landed on Snape.

"Are you good or evil?" Ginny asked. Snape looked confused and burst into tears. "You know, I just don't know any more!" he proceeded to sob himself to sleep in a corner. Ginny span again, this time it landed on the twins. Fred had been whispering to George for a few minutes now and it seemed they had a plan of escape cooked up.

"Err I dare you to…umm" Ginny pondered what to ask for sometime.

"Sorry Gin, if you take more then 30 seconds to come up with a question you automatically pass" George said. There were several cries of outrage.

"I don't remember that rule when I was a girl- I mean boy, when I was a boy!" Lucius said annoyed

"Well it's a well known rule, so get over it! Our spin" Fred said. It landed on Ron. George lent over and whispered something into his twin's ear.

"Hey no whispering" Lucius shouted

"But-"

"This is my lair and while you are staying here you'll obey my rules!"

"Ok, ok…well let's get this over with, who do you truthfully want to go out with most in this room" he sounded bored, like everyone else obviously expected it to be Hermione. Ron however took a shot of whiskey and blurted out:

"Draco's mum" After these two simple words a ruckus erupted. Draco jumped on top of Ron, Lucius and Snape following suit. Hermione attacked Narcissa with a mackerel. While they fought George grabbed the handcuff portkey and tossed it to Neville and Luna who caught hold and immediately disappeared to where ever it was they'd come from.

"Quick Dobby, go back to Hogwarts!" Fred told the house elf who had only just woken up. There was a snap and he too was gone.

"Now, you take Ron and I'll take Hermione and Ginny, side-along apparition you know? Let's go to Harry's – we'd better warn him about all this."

"Right" said George, leaping on his youngest brother who was slapping Draco rather effeminately with what looked like a rolled up pink magazine. CRACK! They were gone too. Lucius now stopped to look around and seeing that his hostages were gone, he was understandably worried.

"They've gone! Ahh, I have betrayed my Master and now I am as good as a worthless, worthless peanut shell, useful to no body!"

"Oh pull yourself together Lucius" said Bellatrix "No questions where they'll have gone to; where ever the Potter-brat is hiding. All you have to do is track them down to there and you've got them back, as well as Potter! Killing two owls with one curse really isn't it?"

Lucius thought about this for a few seconds and finally agreed.

"To the Bat- Mobile! I mean Number Four Privet Drive, Surrey!"

And with several snap crackle pops the Death Eaters and Narcissa all dissaperated.

Mean while Harry had spent the summer tanning on the Dursley's back porch and writing a screen play. His legs were now a crispy golden skin cancer brown but the screen play had been rejected by every company he sent it too. He was most surprised when Ginny, Hermione, Ron, Fred and George all landed on his doorstep (literally).

"Harry! Thank god you're here! Voldemort kidnapped us, well it was Draco really but-" Hermione launched into an explanation

"And Hermione had turned all Emo" Ron added bitterly

"I did not!" Hermione spat back. But her not quite grown out emo fringe, artistically scarred wrists and Hawthorne Heights C.D (which chose that moment to fall out of her handbag) said a whole other story.

"Children children, calm down. But as they were saying Harry, the Dark Lord knows you know about the Horcruxes and was planning to make a whole lot more. Out of us." George explained the situation to Harry. Harry groaned and said:

"Harry wishes you could just sort out your problems yourselves!"

Harry had also taken to speaking in third person over the holidays.

"What Harry?"

"Did you nor hear Harry?" Harry asked "He thought he spoke very clearly. He is sick of being the go-to guy for Voldemort related problems. There must be someone else. He suggests you go look up the yellow pages." Harry finished and lay back on the porch, sunglasses on.

"Oh Jesus Christ! I didn't think he could go anymore nuts but you just keep proving me wrong eh Harry?" said a rather frazzled Hermione

"Got that right" Ron agreed fervently "He's a complete crack pot"

"He's on crack is more like" Hermione said. She and Ron both snorted in disgust then they caught each others eye and after realising that this was the first time they'd agreed on anything pretty much all fic, they suddenly jumped into each others arms and began to make out, with almost indecent enthusiasm.

"Bloody hell!" exclaimed Fred clearly repulsed "Quick shield Ginny's eyes before they're burnt out" George quickly put his hand over his sisters eyes.

"Imagine the children; bushy haired gingas with freckles and braces! It's all so very wrong."

"Harry's glad they've finally stopped denying destiny" Harry said

"Yeah Ginny's glad too – I mean I'm glad too" Ginny added

"Look this still doesn't really solve our problem though Harry. The Death Eaters are probably out their making more Horcruxes as we speak."

"Look, I'm from the iGeneration and I'm just too apathetic to care. Can't we all just get blazed and forget about it?"" Harry said, back to first person.

"Well ok" George relented "We'll need some paper though, this ought to do" he said picking up the pink magazine Ron and been belting Malfoy with. He opened it up and gave a gasp.

"Omg, it's Lucius Malfoy's diary! From when he was 14! Oh wow scandalous!"

"Let me see!" Ginny said and she, Fred, George and Harry all scrambled to read the diary.

_Wednesday 14th July, 1973_

_Dearest Diary _

_So today, me and Bellatrix were all like gonna go to Diagon Alley and look at the new summer collections, but mum made us take Severus, gowww he's such a drag absolutely no fashion sense. I wish Aunt Black had made us take Sirius, at least it'd be something super hot to look at for a few hours. But he's going out with like, half the girls at our school, I bet he doesn't even know my name . Anyway I hope that Narcissa likes the super cool poncho I got her, maybe it's a little too much? It's like camel hair or something… anyway go to go to Salsa Class, XoX -LuLu_

_Friday 2nd August, 1973_

_Dearest Diary_

_Well predictably Father threw a complete fit when I told him of my plans to drop out of school next year and design robes. I totally knew he would. And he's banned me from Salsa classes! He's just so… oh diary, sometimes it seems you're the only one who really gets me you know? You're my super best friend. XoX – LuLu_

They all looked at one another shocked and speechless. After a few seconds, interrupted only by the sounds coming from the direction of Ron and Hermione, Harry said:

"Well that's a relief in a way. At least I know where Draco gets it form now"

"He calls himself Lulu. That's just…creepy. Even for that lot you know?" Fred said

"Do you guys realise what this means?" Ginny asked the other three.

"Um Draco's dad's a closet fairy?"

"No! Well yes, but more importantly we can black mail him with this!" Ginny said eyes wide

"Yeah! We can threaten to post it on Hermione's live-journal" George said

"How'd you know I have a live-journal?" Hermione asked, finally turning away from Ron.

"You bloody Emos are all the same"

14.3 minutes later:

"I'm sure he's turned 17 by now" Snape was saying as he and half a dozen other Death Eaters strolled up the gravel drive of Number Four "Which means that the magic protecting this place has completely worn off and we're free to attack Potter!" Snape clapped his hands together excitedly.

"Not so fast Severus" Fred said appearing from behind a magnolia tree "I don't think you really want to let him do that Lucius"

"And why" said Lucius stepping forward "is that?"

"Well you see, we managed to pick up this-" George appeared from behind the Dursleys expensive car holding a journal with pink velvet and stickers of Queen and Abba all over the cover. "Belonged to you at one stage I think?"

"Might I inquire as to how you came into possession of that?" Lucius asked, voice cold, face almost seething in rage.

"You left it in Voldie's hideout. Or maybe he nicked it for a bit of bedtime reading. But the point is, if you make anymore Horcruxes out of Harry's friends we're gonna publish this on live-journal!"

"What on earth is that?" Lucius asked

"You know, blogging?" Fred asked. Lucius looked blank. "Come on, internet?" Still blank. "Fucking computers? You know what they are?"

"I have no time for these games. No wizard I know reads blogs, so this concerns me little"

"Um actually dad, I have a myspace" Draco admitted sheepishly

"Me too" said Bellatrix

"I'm a bebo man myself" Snape said "93 friends so far!"

"Nah you guys suck, live-journal forever!" Narcissa said, joining the argument.

"Yeah!!" shouted Hermione from inside a bush.

"So as you can see, not all wizards are as technology impaired as yourself" Fred pointed out to Lucius "And some of the stuff in here is _super_ embarrassing." Fred said cringing. "And don't try to fight us for this, we already scanned a copy onto the blog and all Harry (who is currently waiting inside) has to do is hit 'Update' and you're secrets are all over the internet!"

"Ok Weasleys, you win this time, but it's not over yet."

Lucius and the other Death Eaters turned round and in a swish of cloaks dissaparated.

"Hurrah we won!" Ginny shouted doing a weird 'We won' dance. Hermione and Ron went back to snogging. Harry went back to sunbathing, casually reading through the pages of Lucius's diary.

"Oh god I can sooooo relate to some of this" Harry said sounding o.t.t metro.

"George, I think it's time we leave this happy scene. Let's go back to Diagon Alley."

"Can you drop me home on your way?" Ginny asked, clearly not fussed on hanging round.

"No. Hahaha just kidding, sure, grab an arm." George said.

"Let's make like a tree and leaf" Ginny said

"Hahaha nah let's make like a banana and split" Fred joined in

"Why don't you just make like a…car and go" Harry suggested from the porch. They all laughed at that one. He clearly sucks.

And so they made like a car, and went.

ThE EnD

'**Make like a car and go' curtasey of Nikki haha that was lame dude. **


End file.
